Been a While

A Year and three months ago, my dad and I had an argument. Not the typical father-son thing. This one got messy. My wife was brought into it, my kids were brought into it. You name it. During those 15 or so months I have blamed myself for what happened. I blamed myself for not heading off a situation which could have turned bad(and did). I have felt guilt for not caving in to what he wanted. But mostly, I have felt bad because my kids no longer have a relationship with their Papa. Well, my kids have gotten over things quite a bit, Kim has moved on, and gotten a promotion. Me, I haven't. Over the last 15 months I have written no poetry, not done any painting or anything creative. The only thing I have done is add 40 lbs. I have been stagnant as far as expressing myself.
You see, all of my life I have tried to hold things in as much as possible. When I was younger I tried to be mature beyond my years. I wanted to prove to others that I could be someone that they could depend on. I have now been in the workforce for 21 years and held only 2 jobs(Albertson's left me, I didn't leave it). I work with some great people that I consider great friends and I feel like a success because of it. More importantly, I have a wife of almost 14 years that I love more deeply every single day and two beautiful kids who are learning to express themselves in wondrous and exciting ways. So, I guess what I am saying here is I have done pretty well at being someone that others can count on.
I miss my mom and felt like a failure after she passed because I could not keep the peace between my family and dad. At almost 40 years old, I finally realized something. It may only take one to fight a battle, but it takes two to keep the peace. I did my best to do my part. It's time to be okay and accept what has happened. It is time to move on. It is time to be the creative person that I want to be again. Maybe this will get me started at writing again...maybe not.
Talk to you soon...Wayne